dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
