I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
