they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
