U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
