yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
