I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
