so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
