Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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