Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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