If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
