Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize