So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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