Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
