pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
