Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
