she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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