no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
