If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
