If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
