in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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