I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
