Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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