Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
