Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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