I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
