if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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