I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
