Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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