Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
