I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid