Sry I called you an 8
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest