There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
