I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch