I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test