Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
