Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
