She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
