About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
