I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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