I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
