dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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