Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
