I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
