I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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