I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
