She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
