This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
