I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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