Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
