life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
