Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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