he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A bitchslap is in order.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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