i will never coherently bang her
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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