Yo dont text me then not text me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
