I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
