Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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