I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
