They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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