K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
