god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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