Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
