does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want to have your abortion
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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