If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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