...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
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I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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