Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
