Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
