the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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