i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize