don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
