i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
