how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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