is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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