Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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