hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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