I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I believe in your delicious
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
