my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
