god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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