We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
