Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
