I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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