I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
