Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
