do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
