I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
