wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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