Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
