He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
