In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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