fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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