so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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