I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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