Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
