im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.