I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.