my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.