On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.