And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
