worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.