you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
