dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
