My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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